


There is Blue

by Office



Series: Black, White, and Grey. [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Dean, life and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:33:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Office/pseuds/Office
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the one year anniversary of Castiel’s death and Dean struggles to make it through the day. Realizing another sun will set and he will, once again, be alone Dean contemplates ending it all. His life is suddenly changed when an unexpected fathered friend pops in. Now Dean must choose, take his offer for a chance at a better life or decline and choose peace over life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean rummaged around outside, sorting through various parts and pieces for his baby. It’d been a while since he’d come out and worked on the car and the day was nice. So he dragged himself out there. He bent down and tipped over parts while taking large sips off his beer. He’d been drinking all day, but that did nothing for the empty feeling growing inside of him. After Castiel’s death, Dean stopped working, stopped feeling, stopped caring. He put on a good face for Sam, but even that was hard to maintain, because inside he was nothing but a hollowed out shell. He finished his beer and tossed it in the garbage. He stared at his baby with tired eyes, he was too emotionally drained to continue working on her. So he settled for having drinks beside her instead. Working on his fifth beer he sat down and grabbed the cap hanging on the back of the chair and put it over his face. He couldn’t let Sam seeing him like this, so he grieved silently in the hot summer air.

The sun was setting when he woke. The dull glow of the once vibrate sun mirrored his mood as he stood and stretched. He cleaned up what he could and tossed the rest off to the side. He parked Baby in the garage, taking his time to make sure she was settled in before exiting the car. The memories with her were some of his best. He loved the ones with his dad and brother, driving all around the country hunting monsters and chasing ghost. He thought fondly about how many times he had wrecked her and put her back together again piece by piece, by hand. He thought of all the brotherly talks he and Sam shared and all the long drives he took without him. 

He closed his eyes and kind of laughed, it was the first time he had smiled in a while and it felt weird but good. He remembered that time he and Cas went to that brothel. He could see that tilted face and confused gaze clear as day. Typical Castiel, one of the oldest beings in the universe, but yet he couldn’t understand human behavior at all. Dean laughed and sat back in the seat of his car, he stared at the ceiling, and then to his side. He imagined Castiel beside him, looking out the window. Then their eyes would meet and Castiel would smile and go back to looking out the window. That was their entire relationship, a look and a smile. Dean grabbed the steering wheel tight. That was all he had was a passing memory, another notch to add to his belt and this time he knew Castiel wasn’t coming back. Dean’s grief overwhelmed him as his anger took over his heart. Lord knew he tried to bring Castiel back. He fought tooth and nail with Sam not to burn his body, because Dean couldn’t let go. Castiel deserved better than that, they both did. He knew there was no fairy tale happy ending waiting at the end of this, but he was so exhausted from going through the same vicious cycle of gain and lost. What demon or witch had cursed his family for him to suffer so much? A man who has been to heaven, hell, and places you only dream about, how long does this man have to suffer. Dean was in tears, the salted water ran down his face and made him cold. Dean decided he’d had enough. This life was too much and at this point he didn’t care where he wound up as long as the pain was gone. He thought of Sam, the only family he had left, the only person he had left. It was so selfish, he thought to think the thoughts he was having, but he needed to do this. For him peace lied on the other side. Dean rested his head on the seat and glanced at the glove compartment where he kept a spare gun. He blinked and the solution was clear. He reached for his gun, when he heard a flutter of wings behind him.

“Hello Dean.” Dean jumped and wiped around. It was not Castiel and immediately he went into defense mode. He reached for his gun and wiped it out and pointed it at the intruder. “There is no need for that.”

“Who the hell are you!?” Dean shouted, trigger ready.

“I am Magnus, I am an angel.”

“I get that, what the hell do you want?” Dean didn’t drop his weapon.

Magnus looked hurt, but he understood and changed his tone. “I know what you were about to do Dean and I know you deserve better.” That struck a nerve with Dean and made him angry for being so vulnerable. With his weapon still pointed at Magnus he let the angel finish. “I have come with a better solution. I know a way, to help you, to bring back Castiel.”

Dean lowered his gun, but not his guard. “Why the hell would you want to help me? I don’t even know you.” Dean raised his gun again. He was getting tired and Magnus could tell.

“Dean, heaven, the angels.” Magnus adjusted his words, he wanted to be honest with him. He knew more lies would do nothing to help this situation. “I have noticed all you have done for heaven and the world and I know that you and your brother were put in situations for beyond what is expected of a normal human. I know the saying life is not far, but I also know the saying if you can do good, do it.”

“Right, you’re all full of shit.” Dean hissed. “All I got out of this piss poor excuse for a life was more pain and suffering and lies. Nothing I did earned me nothing, but a bunch of heartache down the road. I don’t care what you’re selling, Cas ain’t coming back, so you can get the fuck out of here.”

Magnus was hurt, but his resolve was strong. He was truly grateful for all that the Winchester had done for them. God had not asked so much of a human, since the coming of his son and even though all the other angels would rather forget the Winchesters. Magnus, heaven’s new leader would not stand by and let the only man to fight and die for heaven, earth, and hell die alone in a pit of sadness and sorrow. Magnus clinched his teeth. “Dean, I can not begin to tell you how much I appreciate all you have done. It would take me many many life times to pay you back for all that you and your brother have done for us and I understand your lost. We have all lost people in this bloody fight, but if there were something I could do to pay you back I would lay it on the table before you in an instant.” Dean searched the angel’s eyes. He could see his resolve and a part of him wanted to trust him, but there was a part of him that screamed no. How many times has he been on this road and how many times has it buried him deeper in the whole. Then he thought of Castiel, his partially lifted smile and soft blue eyes burned brightly in his memory and for a moment he would give anything to just see him again. To just hold him again, anything to erase the last memory he had of him. Tears once again force its way out of Dean’s eyes as he lowered his gun.

“I’ll do it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around, I'm turning out chapters as fast as I can. So hold tight.

Dean slept in. His heart was heavy with the words Magnus told him yesterday. Magnus had a spell, a forbidden spell that could bring Castiel back. The cost would be great, but Dean was willing to pay even though he was afraid. He knew he couldn’t take another setback, his heart couldn’t take it, but this was his one and only chance to find happiness. He wrapped his arms around his pillow and held it tight and thought of Sam. At least for his brother it was worth it. He didn’t want to leave Sam like this, but really that was just a lie to mask that fact that he needed this. He needed his angel more than anything. He needed to let him know how much he cared. How gloomy if felt when he was away. These feelings he’d always pushed away, because there was no room for love in Dean’s life. There was always someone to save, someone at risk, love didn’t thrive in the Winchester life. It was always ripped away without a word.

 

            Dean got up and got dressed a little after noon. He put a pot on to make coffee when he found a note from Sam. He was out on a case in Colorado for a hunter friend. Dean was actually relieved, he wasn’t ready to see Sam or let Sam see him like this. He walked into the kitchen and slapped some cheese on some toast and put it in the oven. He fried himself some bologna and enjoyed a modest breakfast. After breakfast he straightened up and cleaned house. According to Magnus he needed three things to bring Castiel back, he needed Holy Blood, which Magnus would provide, he needed a part of his soul, and a vessel. In the basement, Dean stood over the deep freezer. He stared at the off white ice box covered in dirt and grime, knowing once opened there was no turning back. If he moved forward and this turned out to be trouble who knows what kind of hell would be released. He wondered briefly who he was doing this for as he had done many times when thinking about Sam or if Cas even wanted this. One thing he did know for sure, if this worked he would spend the rest of his life making it up to Cas. For not being there, for letting him be used, tortured, and left alone to die. Dean opened the freezer door and pulled out Castiel’s frozen vessel, still dressed in the same clothes Dean found him in. He took one glance at Cas’ icy face and grimaced. “I’m going to make this right Cas.” Dean whispered as he pulled Castiel out.

 

            Magnus returned later that night with all the tools he needed. Heaven was against it, but Magnus did not care. He had one last job to do here on Earth and that was to return the favor and set things right. Dean set Castiel up as instructed by Magnus, the process was risky and dangerous, and could even kill Dean, but they both knew the risk. Usually the spell would require both human and angel to be alive, as the true purpose of the spell was to shorten an angel’s life span so they would be able to live a normal life with their human, but Magnus easily found a way around this. Before heaven went into turmoil Magnus was chief spell caster and specialized in battlefield defense and healing. He was one of a very few angels, that knew spells like this and had once used this forbidden spell to help a friend many many centuries ago.

 

Magnus explained to Dean the risk of preforming a spell like this, a part of Dean’s soul would need to be extracted and combined with the minimal amount of grace left in Castiel’s vessel. Then the rest would be left to them, planted in Dean’s soul Castiel’s grace would grow, but growth only depended on the condition of the angel’s grace. If Castiel’s did not possess to strength to live the spell would fail and both Dean and Castiel would die. That was the manger draw back of the spell, one could not live without the other.

 

            Magnus reiterated this to Dean one last time, making it clear what was a stake. Dean stared at Castiel’s face and did not falter in his answer. To Dean, there was no life without Castiel. He was the only friend he had left in this world. To Dean the choice was clear.

 

            “Let’s get this show on the road.” Dean rolled up his sleeves.

 

            Magnus nodded. He instructed Dean to remove his shirt and lie next to Castiel and with a wave of his hands removed Castiel’s trench coat, blazer, tie, and dress shirt. Dean looked over at his ice body in despair as he saw the gaping hole in Castiel’s chest. Right through the heart, he cursed Crowley under his breath.

 

            “Focus, lay back and clear your mind. Focus only on the feelings you have for Castiel. The more positive the better.” Magnus instructed as he walked over to Dean and sat next to him on the bed. “Close your eyes. Good.” Magnus opened the jar of holy blood and drew symbols in Enochian on Dean and Castiel’s forehead. “Hold still.” Magnus moved between them and chanted loudly as he pushed his hand into Dean’s chest. The pain was unbelievable as Dean squeezed his eyes shut and clinched his teeth, all the while trying to focus on Castiel. He focused on the first time he met him and how powerful and amazing he looked. He focused on every laugh, every smile, every hug. He balled up his fist as his body began to seize, it felt like someone was cutting his body in half. Searing pain flowed through ever vein and muscle in Dean’s body as Magnus delicately cut Dean’s soul in half. Magnus lifted his arm, holding a part of Dean’s soul in his hands, he blessed it as he used his other hand to carve a hole into Castiel’s chest. He placed the soul inside and sealed the hole, it would leave a mark. “Hold still.” Magnus raised his hands above his head and chanted the final words of the spell and casted it onto the both of them.

 

            Within seconds their bodies arched as the spelled surged through their veins. A powerful white light erupted from their bodies and blasted outward with enough force to throw Magnus off the bed. Their soul and grace combined in a circle around them as the connection forged in Dean’s soul created a link to both of them. Dean’s body locked up as a new rush of feelings and emotions flooded his body. He hollered into the air as feelings of fear and terror engulfed him, it was unbearable but somewhere in those feelings of lose and confusion he could feel Cas. It was indescribable but he could feel his grace flowing through him. Through the pain and fog he focused only on that connection.

 

* * *

 

            Dean slowly opened his eyes hours later. He was tired and disorientated, and too weak to move. He grunted which alerted a being to move. Dean’s eyes darted around the room to see who it was and into his view he saw Magnus standing over him.

 

            “I am glad to see that you are finally awake.” Magnus smiled.

 

            “Yeah.” Dean grunted. “What time is it?”

 

            “It is two in the morning.” Magnus pulled up a seat next to him. “Now, you may be feeling foreign emotions, this is a result of the spell. You and Castiel are not just connected by your soul, you are both one soul. Basic feelings such as happiness, sadness, fear, and anger can now be passed between you.” Dean nodded as he tried to push away this building feeling of uneasiness. “Unfortunately your job is not done. The condition in which Castiel’s grace is in is far from ideal and Castiel could very well reject the spell and if he does.” Magnus paused, he didn’t need to say it Dean already knew. “You can save Castiel by fighting for him, even now as he sleeps, he fights but he is trapped and weakened by his own mind. It is only by your will alone that he will survive.” Magnus stood and walked away.

 

            “Hey, wait.” Dean muttered feeling vulnerable.

 

            Magnus returned with a tray of food in his hands. “I will not leave you Dean, I will stay until Castiel is awake. Then I must return to heaven, even now I can feel they are getting anxious. I would also like to remind you, that when Castiel returns, he will no longer be an angel. He will be human.”

 

            “Got it.” Dean lifted himself to an upright position and glanced over at Castiel. He was relieved to see that some life had returned to his once cold and lifeless face. His cheeks were soft red and the two holes in his chest were healed, leaving only swollen scars behind. He watched as Castiel’s chest gently raised up and down. He saw eye movement and was feeling very hopeful. Dean turned back to Magnus who was still holding the tray of food. “What’s that?”

 

            “Nourishment.”

 

            Dean took one look at the tray, he should have known. “Yeah, one stick of uncooked broccoli, an apple, and a can of meatballs and spaghetti is not nourishment.” Dean swung his feet over the bed, feeling the after effects of the spell. Magnus offered a hand, but Dean declined. He stood, feeling dizzy, but not undetermined. “I’ll cook.”

 

Dean wobbled to the kitchen, with Magnus not too far behind, using the wall as a balance. It would take some getting used to, balancing all the foreign emotions shifting inside of him, but he had to do it for Castiel’s sake. As he walked he focused on Castiel, his rosy cheeks and warm soft body. Castiel was there, he was alive, and he needed Dean to help him get the rest of the way. So he pushed forward.

 

In the kitchen Dean cooked them both fried bologna sandwiches. “This is not bad.” Magnus said as he ate his sandwich, even though he didn’t need to eat.

 

            “Thanks. Winchester’s specialty.” Dean smiled and joked, trying to lighten the mood.

 

            After they ate, Dean started to feel waves of exhaustion. “Should I take you to your room?” Magnus offered. Dean nodded half awake, half sleep.

 

            Just as Magnus was about to take Dean to his room, Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him forward. “Take me, take me to Cas.” Magnus nodded in silence and carried Dean to Castiel’s room. He laid Dean next to Cas, as Dean thanked him for carrying him to his room.

 

            “Do not thank me yet.” Magnus stared compassionately at Dean. “You still have a long road ahead of you.

 

            _Dean wondered down a long hallway of doors. It was endless and dimly lit. Behind each door he could hear the screams of unknown persons shouting at the top of their lungs. He looked all around him, he had no idea where he was, but he could sense someone was in trouble. Castiel. Only one word, that sent him flying to each door. He opened the first and from it a burning fire raged as the sound of screaming souls engulfed him. He slammed the door and backed away, breathing heavy. Cas was somewhere in here, he could feel it, but now the hallway was shifting and melting. The dark gray walls oozed dark red blood and the carpet soaked in thick black goo. Dean tried to set himself free but he was sinking. He shouted for help as he sank further and further, but it was only him and the screams all around him. He reached for the walls, but they were fleshy and damp, he grabbed the sides and from it pulled chucks of rotting flesh. The smell was unbearable as he threw himself back. That’s when he heard it. An ear shattered howl coming from the only door that stood. Dean swam towards it, but the goo was too thick. It ate him alive as his flailed about. Dean shouted and screamed Castiel’s name as he sank. He shouted until the goo fill is mouth and pulled him into the darkness._

Dean woke in a fit of sweat. He jolted up, coughing and heaving as he tried to get a grasp as to where he was. He suddenly remembered Castiel and looked beside him to make sure he was still there. When Dean saw him sleeping peacefully beside him he sighed in relief. Dean looked around the room and realized he was alone. Magnus had left, but it bothered Dean little as he continued to calm himself down from the nightmare. His hands were shaking as he thought, what kind of nightmare was that? It was so vivid and real. He ran his fingers through his hair and glanced at Castiel and then at the clock. It was one in the evening. Was this what Magnus meant about sharing emotions and if so was this what Castiel was going through? Dean hovered over his friend, wishing he could wake him and show him he had nothing to be afraid of. Dean laid down and brushed his hand over Castiel’s cheek. It was warm and soft. He pinched it a little to make sure it was real and chuckled as he watched the skin pop back into place. He smiled and allowed himself to explore Castiel’s face. He ran his fingers over his dark eyebrows and down the bridge of his nose. He stopped at his lips. So soft, he ran his thumb over the bottom lip and ran it across to the corner of his mouth. He wanted to kiss him, such a weird thought if popped into his head any other time he would shoo away, but not today. Today he wanted a taste. He wanted to open up and give his love, even if Castiel never returned it. He wanted him to know that he was cared for and that he was loved and wanted. Dean settled instead for a kiss on the forehead, praying his friend would wake soon.

 

            Later that day, the realization of what Dean had done started to kick in. He paced nervously around the bunker trying to figure out how he would explain this to Sam. He was tempted to call him and break the news to him over the phone, but he feared Sam would hall ass back to the bunker in a fit of rage and that was the last thing Dean wanted. He was too worried about Castiel, he wasn’t sure how long he would sleep or if would wake up at all. Then another dark reality set in, if Castiel died, so would he. The thought of Sam returning only to find that his brother was dead terrified him. He didn’t want Sam to have to see that. Dean started to feel overwhelmed, he didn’t know what to do. He ran his fingers through his hair as a feeling of uneasiness returned once again. He stood in his emotions trying to sort through his feelings and thoughts. He needed to stay strong, especially for Castiel, who was fighting for his life as he spoke. He needed to concentrate on thinking positively for Castiel’s sake. He would deal with Sam later.

 

            Dean decided to organize the library to pass the time. He put away a lot of research materials and books and even touched up a few columns on their research spreadsheet. It was around dinner time when he finished and realized he had nothing to eat in the fridge. He finished the last of the bologna, leaving only a quarter loaf of bread, some can goods, and some apples. Dean sighed. He was in a little bit of a dilemma, he was hungry, but he didn’t want to leave Castiel. It was times like these where he wished he could order take out. Just as he was about to settle on toast and can spaghetti Magnus popped in with a hand full of groceries.

 

            “I thought you may need these.” Magnus placed the bags on the table.

 

            “Just in time!” Dean smiled and walked over to the bags, his excitement didn’t last long as he realized what was in them. Dean pulled out three bags of grapes, a liter of store brand cola, four bags of cheese puffs, a pack of chicken legs, and a huge variety of can goods. Dean stared at Magnus. “Seriously.”

 

            “What is wrong? Do my selections not suit your taste?” Magnus frowned. Dean looked down at the bags and sighed.

 

            “Nah, it’s good.” He helped Magnus put the groceries away. It looks like it was canned spaghetti, grapes, and toast for dinner. Dean and Magnus ate together. Dean was surprised the angel liked the cheeses puffs, he figured every angel must have their thing. Gabriel liked sweets, Magnus liked cheese puffs, and Castiel liked burgers. He chuckled at the time they were hunting Famine, one of the four horsemen. Though not funny at the time Dean laughed at how hooked Castiel was on burgers. If was funny to see his friend smile and enjoying life for once, even if it was due to the effect of a deadly supernatural being. Magnus noticed Dean laugh and smiled as while.

 

            “Are you thinking about Castiel?”

 

            “That obvious huh?” Dean reddened a little.

 

            Magnus nodded. “He was a good angel, despite his choices. I may not be able to say I followed him through all the time, but I have always thought, no matter his choices is was pure at heart.”

 

            Dean agreed, but he was wary. He was grateful for Magnus’s help, but he knew things could go south at any time. He’s been in this spot before, but despite his worries he didn’t feel a tiny bit of regret. He worried if Death was right, that Dean should have just died. He worried if down the road it would save the world a lot of trouble, but Dean was not blessed with the gift of foresight. So why worry about something that hasn’t happened yet, Dean tried to convince himself. Upstairs he could feel Cas, he was afraid and alone, Dean could feel it. It made Dean anxious, not being able to help. His sighed and tried hard to force those thoughts away, but they would not subside. The only way to stop this, was to save Cas and doubt was starting to plant its seeds deep inside him.

 

            Night fell upon them and Dean was fighting hard against sleep. He didn’t want to go back to the place he was before. He didn’t want to hear the screams and feel the fire all around him. Somehow Magnus must have sensed this and decided to stay for the night. As sleep tugged at his eyelids, he decided to give up and go to bed. He walked to his room, but stopped at the door. Just two doors down was where Castiel was sleeping. His heart told him not to abandon his friend, but his mind was too afraid to lie beside him. He punched the frame of the door, feeling too conflicted and too tried to make a decision.

 

            “Dean?” Magnus called to Dean. Dean turned around. “It is probably best if you lay beside Castiel tonight.”

 

            “Right, good idea.” Dean silently thanked Magnus for making the decision for him. He changed and walked into Castiel’s room. He was still asleep and even though he looked peaceful, Dean could feel his fear. Castiel was still shirtless, lying on top of the covers. He looked so cold so Dean gathered up a thick warm blanket from the closet for them to sleep under. He wrapped it tightly over Castiel and himself. He knew Castiel couldn’t feel the cold, but it made him feel knowing he had some control over something.

 

            “I will be by your side during the night.” Magnus sat across the room. Dean nodded, as Magnus pulled out a book and started to read. Dean drifted off to sleep as he reached under the covers to grab Castiel’s hand. He laced his fingers between his and promised he would do everything he could to save him.

 

            _Dean struggled as he walked down the slanted hallways, using only his arm to keep his balance. Hours had passed; it felt like as time escaped him here. There were faints screams echoing off the walls, but his ears were no use to him here. A Feeling of panic and fear bubbled inside of him, which fueled his search for Cas even more. If he could reach him, maybe he could wake him up. Suddenly the ground started to collapse under him, he ran. He fought hard against the bubbling black guck as he hurried down the hallway. Up ahead he saw a single stair that was not yet covered, he ran for it. He took one final leap and landed hard on the itchy red carpet. It smelt of the cigarettes and mold. He looked back and saw the hallway melt away into a black puddle of nothingness. He looked in front of him and there were only more doors, but this time there was a T-shaped pathway up ahead. He got up and started towards it. At a sloppy pace he moved faster and faster, like something was pulling him towards it. The closer he got the more he could feel the weight of Castiel’s emotions. Cas was scared and alone, he could hear his cries. Dean picked up the pace and ran._

_The walls bled as Dean approached, but that did not stop him, the lights flickered as the tattered wallpaper turned to stone. The old warn carpet turned to hard concrete under Dean’s feet and the wooden doors turned to metal. He was close, he could feel it. The emotions were intense, so intense he could collapse from the feelings alone, so intense, it clouded his mind and slowed his movements. Up ahead, he pushed, was a bloodied metal door, left ajar. He walked towards it when an ear shattering screech stopped him in his tracks. He froze, as his face went cold. He didn’t need to ask, he knew who it was, he was ready to face whatever was behind that door. He raced to the door as the screams grew louder and pushed it open._

_He was mortified, the scene was grim. Castiel lay bound to the table covered in his own blood, Crowley hunched over him. Their eyes met and they saw each other for the first time. He couldn’t speak, there were no words he could find, but that one look said it all. All the pain and anguish transferred over like a note and the weight of it was more than Dean could bear. He collapsed onto the floor in tears, as the ground blackened around him and he began to sink. The last thing he saw was a quick sliver of blue and the call of his name to break his stupor._

_“Dean!!!” Cas cried out. Dean wept as he sank, knowing he could not help him._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for sticking around! One more chapter left!

            Dean woke to the sounds of someone shouting his name. It was Magnus. He shook Dean awake as hard as he could. Dean’s eyes were clasped tight and he was sweating and his heart was racing. Magnus feared Dean would die of a heart attack as he shook him. When Dean would not wake and started to convulse, Magnus used his power to silence his mind. It seemed to work, as Dean’s body collapsed back onto the bed and within a matter of minutes he woke, very tired and confused. Magnus ran up to him and offered him a glass of water.

 

            “Hey, what’s with the look?” Dean tried to joke.

 

            “You’ve been asleep for almost twenty-four hours.” Magnus helped Dean up and helped him drink.

 

            Dean’s memory was hazy when he woke, but the details of his latest nightmare quickly returned. He’d seen Cas and it was too much to bare, seeing him on the table covered in blood. Dean wanted to break down right there, but Magnus was in the room. He tried to find that happiness again and positive thoughts to keep him moving forward, but there was nothing but a feeling of guilt and remorse. He couldn’t help Cas, he froze, and left Castiel back there to suffer. Dean let go right there and broke down into tears. Magnus held him. He knew the journey would be hard for the both of them, but in his heart he still thought it was the right thing to do. He consoled Dean until he calmed down. Dean wanted his space and couldn’t stand to be near Castiel any longer. He couldn’t look at his friend, after what happened. Dean needed air, he wanted to get into his impala and run away. He rushed outside and breathed in the night air. The air was cool and the sky was clear. He looked up at the sky as he’d done a million times and wished his life wasn’t so unbearably hard. He didn’t fight his tears anymore and let them flow down his cheeks. “Cas, I’ve failed you.” He whimpered and broke down. “I’m so sorry Cas, I’m so sorry.” He sniffled and let his head rest on the metal railings. He wondered how Castiel would react in this situation. He could see him now, just diving in without a second thought. Dean wished he could be like that, he wished his emotions didn’t get in the way of everything.

           

            Then inside him, he felt it. It was faint, but there was a small feeling of hope, mixed with grief, anger, and confusion. He could feel Castiel inside him. Castiel must have seen him. Dean felt even worse, he was so close and then he failed. The emotions intensified beyond anything he’d ever felt before. Dean used the railings to keep himself up right, he felt like he was going faint. Cas was in there and he was fighting, and Dean would be damned if he sat around and did nothing. He was scared, he was weak, he was tired, but he wasn’t done. He hollered into the air in pure rage. He has always been dealt the worst cards, but by some miracle and by miracle he meant the courage and hard work of his friends, he always made it through. Dean was that miracle and he was going to save Castiel this time.

 

            Dean worked through the night; he was not tired. He pushed himself to finish organizing the archives and at sunset he left and gathered a few things for Castiel’s and Sam’s arrival. If Cas was going to be moving in, he would need new clothes and shoes and other things. Instead of focusing on his self petty, Dean pushed himself to leave and go shopping. Focusing on the positive was his new mantra. He repeated it over and over in his head, whenever he felt overwhelmed or tired out. He told Magnus to stay behind to watch over Castiel, despite the angel’s protest. Dean needed this.

 

            Getting to the closest mall was about a forty minute drive. Dean was grateful for this, because it was beautiful outside. The sun was shining and the sky was clear. He took Baby and turned up the music and he was starting to feel better. Before he left he took a peak at Castiel’s clothes, to get the sizes. He allowed himself to get lost in different images of what Castiel would look like in different outfits. He would need an entire wardrobe. New pants, new shoes, underwear, and Dean was going to make damn sure he got a new trench coat, one that fit too. Dean pulled off the highway and found his way to the mall. It wasn’t too busy, which Dean was grateful for. He checked his wallet and flipped through his credit cards. Usually he didn’t waste his time at malls. Dean preferred to buy clothes from second hand shops, but Dean saw that there was a close out sale going on at one of the stores and figured his money would be best spent there. He parked and walked in. The mall was a lot bigger than he thought. It was summer and there were people everywhere. He found the directory and headed right for the store. Once in he found himself surrounded by so many men’s clothes it made his head spin. There were too many different styles and designs that Dean thought were ugly and wouldn’t look right on Cas. So he passed the junk and headed straight for the jeans. He was in luck, all men’s jeans were only ten dollars. He happily grabbed Cas a few pairs. He picked up one and inspected it. They were loose but tightly fitted, meaning tight at the waist but loose around the legs. He imaged how Cas would fill on the jeans. He blushed and quickly placed the jeans over his arms and walked away.

 

            When he got to the shirts, it was damn near impossible to find something he would think Castiel would like. What do you get an angel that is over a thousand years old? The only things Cas wore was that oversized pant suit and trench coat. It was hard to make a decision until he saw the price, five dollars shirts. Dean dove in, pushing pass searching customers. He came out with a few different colored t-shirts, some polos, one button up shirt, and a few graphic tees. That would do, anything else he would have to come back with Cas. He laughed a little at the idea of shopping with Castiel. He was sure he would need his help trying on things to make sure they fit. He imaged himself setting in the dressing room, watching Castiel model for him. Soon his mind started to wonder what Castiel would look like with nothing on at all. He’d never seen Castiel completely nude and he wondered what his you know what looked like. He was nearly drooling when he realized he was standing in the middle of the aisle as people stared at him. He smiled and made a quick dash to the register. Next he needed shoes. Shopping for a men’s twelve wouldn’t be too hard and today was Dean’s lucky day again because Payless was having a BOGO. So he walked away with two pairs of boots, two pairs of sneakers, a pair of sandals, and one nice pair dress shoes.

 

            The last things he needed was a few miscellaneous items, like jackets, undershirts, underwear, and personal items. Sam’s extreme couponing supplied the boys with enough shampoo, deodorant, and toothpaste to last them a life time. So Dean wondered around the mall to find a place with the cheapest stuff. It was a nice change of pace to be out shopping, he was actually enjoying himself. There was a nice crowd of people out and the best part was that there were no demons, no monstered to kill. He could take his time and enjoy himself. He stopped by the food court and grabbed lunch and cruised around the mall with his extra-large soda. While he was out he made a mental note to go grocery shopping as well. He was tired of can spaghetti.

 

He found a JcPenny’s and stopped in to see what kind of deals they were having on men’s undergarments. Someone might as well rub him for good luck, because t-shirts and underwear were also on sale. He grabbed a pack of v-necks and crew cuts and few pairs of pajama pants. The last thing he needed was underwear. He wasn’t sure if angel’s wore boxers or briefs, just the thought of it cracked him up. He laughed, unaware there was a man standing right beside him. Dean noticed him and quickly added that he was shopping for a friend, which did not help the situation at all as the man quickly walked away. Dean shrugged and went back to looking at the selection. Maybe he should wait for Cas to wake up, but when Cas took a shower he would have to put back on those same bloodied underwear and that wasn’t going to fly. So Dean grabbed a little bit of everything, a pack of boxers, a pack of boxer briefs, and a pack of briefs. In secret when he got to the thongs, he blushed so hard, because he was starting to get a little too excited imagining Cas in a cotton black thong. The sight was too much for Dean, who quickly walked away.

 

            Before leaving the mall, Dean picked up a few things for himself and some extra linen and a large strawberry chocolate milkshake. Today had been a pretty successful day. He was still shook up from the nightmare from before, but his mind was in a much better place. He forced his mind to play back the images of Castiel on the table over and over again to desensitize him. The next time he saw Castiel he was bringing him home.

 

* * *

 

            Back at the bunker, Dean prepared to cook a real meal for him and Magnus. He unloaded the grocery, he practically bought the store. He wanted to make sure he had enough food to last him, just in case he couldn’t leave the bunker for a few weeks. Magnus was surprised, but took a back seat to helping Dean, by Dean request. Dean wanted to keep busy and besides it made it easier for Dean to find what he needed if he put it away himself. For dinner he fixed an grillied onion and mushroom steak, steamed broccoli, and a stuffed bacon and cheddar baked potato. Magnus couldn’t believe how good it tasted, usually angels didn’t have a very good sense of taste, but there were always exceptions and Magnus was grateful for that. After dinner they enjoyed a little conversation. Dean laughed and smiled and it lightened up the mood instantly. They carried on late into the night, then without warning Magnus froze and teleported away. Dean stood and looked around. He was taken off guard by Magnus’s sudden exit. He wondered for a second why he’d left, then as quickly as he teleported away he returned and his demeanor had completely changed.

 

            “Dean. Castiel is in trouble.” Magnus grabbed hold of Dean and transported Dean to Castiel’s room. Dean wasn’t sure why he had not sensed it. He thought he shared a connection, when he realized that his own mood had always been a slight mix of anxiousness and happiness meshed together. He was mistaking Castiel’s mood for his own.

 

            “What’s wrong with him?” Dean saw a noticeable change in Castiel’s appearance. He was sweating and breathing hard. Then the anxiety turned into something much stronger and dug a hole into Dean’s chest. He to winced, he knew this emotion Castiel was angry, Dean could feel it. His anger overwhelmed him, but Dean stood his ground.

 

            Magnus rushed to Castiel’s bedside. “His heart, his heart is beating too fast. If we do not stop it now he could die of heart failure.”

 

            Dean stared at Magnus in a panic. So soon he would have to enter the dream and have to face Castiel, for real this time. No more practice shots and flashbacks in his mind, this was it.

 

            “Magnus! Put me to sleep!” Dean shouted as he hopped into bed and lied next to Castiel.

 

            “But Dean I.” Magnus was hesitant to use his magic.

 

            “We don’t have time to argue! Do it!” Dean begged with his eyes and Magnus shook his head but compiled. He placed two fingers of Dean’s forehead and put Dean’s mind at ease.

 

            “Good luck Dean.”

 

            _We Dean came to the scene was much different than the other dreams before. There was no hallway, only cold grey walls. He stood and looked around, there were no doors, no sound, only a feeling of intense heat coming from all around him. There was a low rumble in the ground and Dean stumbled off his feet. The room was moving. Dean stumbled to the wall to brace himself. The room was moving and gaining in speed, so fast the ceiling and walls ripped off. Dean used his arms to shield his eyes from the smoke and fire around him. It was burning hot like an oven. Up ahead he saw two figures. He used his hands to wave away the smoke, when he saw Castiel and Crowley standing in a fiery ring across a sea of burning lava._

_“Cas!!!” Dean shouted, but he could not hear him. The place was falling apart. Large chucks of rocks and debris feel from the sky in every direction. He jumped out of the way, barely messing the rock. He looked back, he couldn’t stay here. He stood in the mist of the storm with only one option, to cross the fiery lake. In it were stones, he would have to jump. “Damnit.” He stepped backwards, before running down the crumbling platform onto the first stone. He barely made it, he landed hard and scuffed himself up. His scars burned and his feet and hands started to blister. The pain was unbelievable real, but he couldn’t stop there. He bit his lip and leaped from stone to stone as fast as he could. Lava popped and a windstorm of rocks and sand torn at his bruised skin, but continued forward. He was nearly there, when he got caught in a shockwave from Castiel’s power. The blast threw him backwards onto the last stone. His back slammed onto the platform, knocking the wind from his chest. He rolled over to his side and coughed and heaved. It was hard to breathe; the flames around him were rising. He looked in front of him and saw Castiel raging war against Crowley. Dean could feel it tearing Castiel a part, because it was himself that he was fighting against. Castiel was destroying himself and he didn’t even know it. He struggled to his feet. His skin torn and bruised. He walked with a limp and took a few steps back. He focused only on Castiel, picked up the pace, and ran onto the next stone. The earth shook and moved the rocks below him but he pushed forward. Some of the rocks ahead of him were starting to sink so he picked up the pace. There were only three stone left and the last stone was sinking fast. He leapt to the second stone, lava exploded around him. The last stone was nearly covered in lava, he leapt and in the fastest leap jump he’s ever did he jumped onto the final stone and then onto the platform where Castiel was._

_“GAAH!! SHIT!” Dean grabbed his foot. It was badly burned from the lava. The searing pain, burned down to the nerve. He cried and nursed it best him could, but there was no time to rest as vibrations from the fight erupted around him. He was running out of time. “CASTIEL!!!” He shouted, but Castiel did not hear him. The angel was covered in burning red flames. He was too focused on killing a ghost to hear Dean’s cries. Dean rolled over to his stomach and stood. He felt weak and tired and looked down and started to see the black gook again. It was hot and burned his injured foot. “Not right now!!!! I’m not leaving without Cas!!!”Dean dug his feet deep into the ground and spirted towards Cas with everything he had. The flames burned around him, burning away his clothes, burning his hair and skin. He hollered all the way down, tackling Cas to the ground. Both of their bodies erupted in flames, it burned Dean’s skin like paper, but Dean reached through the flames and grabbed hold of Castiel with an iron tight grip. “I said!!!!! I ain’t leaving without you!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Dean gripped Cas tight and pulled his face to his, forcing him to see him. Castiel focused his eyes on Dean and an intense burst of anger concentrated itself on Dean. It threatened to burn Dean alive, but he did not let go. Even when his blistered skin boiled and popped, even when he face curled up and burned. “I AIN’T LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!!!!!” Dean shouted at the top of his lungs and squeezed Castiel tight to his chest. If he was going to die, it was going to be in Castiel’s arms, because he was not letting go. There was no future without Castiel. No life, no happiness._

_“D-Dean..”_

_Dean opened his blackened eyes. “I’m here buddy.”_

_Castiel reached around and slowly wrapped his arms around Dean. He held onto him tight, as their bodies were pushed at hyper speed into the light._

* * *

 

            Dean woke almost a day later, beside Castiel, who was sleeping peacefully beside him. Dean was extremely tired and could barely move. Magnus moved frantically around the room trying to check over Dean. He spoke to him, but Dean could not hear, all he could do was turn and look at Castiel. Dean stared at Cas is defeat. He had failed to wake him. Dean stared to cry, when he saw Castiel’s eyes move. His eyeballs rolled and his eye lids opened. Castiel looked terribly tired and slowly shifted his eyes onto Dean. Cas couldn’t smile, but his eyes glistened and became watery. Dean reached over and grabbed his fingers and squeezed tight, Castiel struggled to smile, but squeezed back.

 

Magnus sighed in relief. The spell was complete. He could feel that the connection had sealed. “Thank goodness.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter!  
> Thanks for sticking around, hope you enjoyed this story. There is more to come, so hold tight.

Dean and Cas slept for most of the day, awoken by the smell of burnt bacon and toast. Dean opened his eyes first, struggling to move because his body was too tired and stiff. He turned to see Magnus smiling happily holding a tray of what Dean could only imagined was their breakfast. He cringed at the smell, but smiled anyway.

 

            “Thanks.” Dean struggled to sit up and turned and looked at Castiel, his eyes were half shut. “Hey, Cas, you awake?” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear.

 

            Castiel slowly opened his eyes and without warning dropped into a fit of fear and panic. He kicked and thrashed his way off the bed. Dean was quick to grab him, but he hadn’t the strength to contain him. So they both fell off the bed onto the floor. Magnus set down the tray and hurried to Castiel’s side and tried to calm him down.

 

            “Cas! Castiel! It’s okay! You’re safe! You’re safe!” Dean hugged him, until he calmed and drifted back to sleep. When Dean felt Castiel’s body go limp he released him and placed him back on the floor. He frowned. He thought the worst was over but like always there was something new to take its place. “How long is this going to last?” Dean turned to Magnus.

 

            “Give him time.” Magnus consulted Dean.

 

            Dean trusted him, but he was tired and wasn’t in the mood to deal with this right now. He let Magnus place Castiel back on the bed. He could feel that Cas was calmer now, he sensed a little bit of confusion, but he wasn’t sure if it was him or Cas. He would need time to get use to this emotion sharing thing, but now was not the time, he was hungry and burnt bacon and toast were looking real good.

 

            Downstairs Magnus cleaned up the kitchen. Magnus was a lousy cook, but Dean could tell by the scope of the mess in the kitchen that Magnus put his heart into. Dean smiled and thanked him as he ate his meal.

 

            “You know, you don’t have to eat it if it is not to your liking.” Magnus told Dean, he knew it was not a suitable meal for a human, but he tried.

 

            “It’s okay, I’m starving. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.” Dean slapped a slice of butter on his near blacken toast.

 

            “Well you have been asleep for over twenty-four hours. I was beginning to worry about you two.” Magnus looked to Castiel’s room. “But I am so glad that the two of you made it.”

 

            “Couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.” Dean meant it. He was sure he still had a long way to go, but he had Cas back so that was all that mattered.

 

            Magnus turned to clean off the table when he saw Castiel leaning on the door frame. He looked very tired and disorientated. Magnus started to move towards him, but Castiel was too quick. Dean turned when he sensed someone behind him and was shocked to see Cas hurdling towards him. “Food.” Was all he muttered before scarfing down the rest of Dean’s bacon and toast. He cleaned the plate and licked up all the crumbs too. Dean pulled him off the table when he went for the butter.

 

            “Wo there buddy. Let me cook you something.”

 

            Castiel stared at Dean with such a pitiful look and whined. “But, I’m, so hungry.” He struggled to get out.

 

            Dean settled Cas into the chair and got up and walked to the counter. “Here, have an apple.” He tossed it to Cas, but his sluggish reflexes were no match for the incoming object. So the apple bounced off his face and landed on the floor. Dean winced.

 

            “Sorry buddy.”

 

            Castiel glared at him. He was in no mood to deal with anything standing in the way of him and food. He had no idea how he was still alive and his body was throbbing as if he had just ran a marathon’s worth of miles around the Earth. Magnus was quick to fetch the apple from the floor and rinse it off. Castiel narrowed his eyes as if he had seen that man before. However his concentration on him did not last long when Magnus placed six freshly cut apple slices in front of him. Castiel ate them without thought, consuming the apple slices like a hungry predator. Dean felt a sharp feeling of panic from Castiel and turned around to find that he was choking.

 

“Shit!” Dean dropped the pan and ran to him. With a few tight squeezes the apple chunk flew from Castiel’s mouth. “Cas slow down would ya!” Dean shouted at his friend. Cas looked at him, so beaten and tired. Dean sighed. “Here, give me a sec and I’ll have breakfast for you in a minute.”

 

            Cas groaned as he rocked in his chair, he was on the verge of fainting. He was starving and confused. Last thing he remembered was being strapped to a table at the mercy of Crowley. The thought sent panic through his body and he was near a breakdown when Dean embraced him from behind. He could fell Cas tipping over the edge.

 

            “It’s okay buddy you’re safe.” Dean placed the plate of fried bologna, eggs, and toast in front of him.

 

            Castiel felt a little better, but he wasn’t sure why, a feeling of love and warmth flooding into him, feeding some unknown hunger deep inside him. He felt better and the smell of a fresh meal was music to his stomach as well. He ate slower this time, savoring each bite, it was deliciously. After his meal Dean took him to the den. He wanted to clean his sheets so Cas would have something fresh to sleep on for the night. As he changed the bedding Magnus walked in.

 

            “Dean, when are you going to tell him about the spell?”

 

            “Soon.” Dean responded quickly.

 

            “How soon?” Magnus pried

 

            “Soon okay! What’s the rush?” Dean hurried past Magnus, but the angel just teleported in front of him.

 

            “Dean, this isn’t a matter that is best left alone.” Magnus warned. “It needs to be attended to sooner rather than later.” Magnus said with all seriousness.

 

            Dean sighed in frustration, but Magnus was right. “Well can it wait til he’s rested up?” Dean pleaded. Magnus nodded.

 

            Dean wished he didn’t have to drop the bomb on Castiel so soon, but he could sense Castiel was searching for answers. Confusion, was the clearest emotion he felt from Cas and it ate at him, leaving in its path a trail of panic and fear. Castiel didn’t need to suffer anymore, Dean would tell him at lunchtime.

 

* * *

 

            Castiel lied on the couch, in complete exhaustion. His mind was sluggish and he was having trouble time processing the events that were unfolding around him. He knew for a fact that he died. He remembered the burn of the angel blade through his back, but yet he was here. He wasn’t sure how this was even possible, but there was a bad feeling in his stomach and yet there was a gentle hum of peace and happiness there too. It was very small and felt foreign, much like the feelings he use to get from Jimmy. Someone or something was residing inside of him. For him to be alive Dean must have made a deal. Then the realization hit him, whoever that man Dean was with was either an angel or a demon. Panic turned Castiel sick. Dean made a deal, Castiel was sure of it. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want Dean to be put in this situation. He should have known better. Dean was terrible at letting go and where was Sam? Did something happen to Sam? Castiel started to sob. If he hadn’t been so foolish to meet Crowley that day, Dean wouldn’t have gotten himself into trouble like this. Suddenly the little bit of happiness he had left turned to worry and Dean appeared at the door. He looked concerned and rushed right over to Cas, who was now bursting into a fit of tears.

 

            “Cas what’s wrong?” Dean reached for the dish cloth in his back pocket and wiped the tears from Castiel’s eyes. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Dean moved the hair from Castiel’s forehead, he wanted to kiss him there, but he was nervous. He wasn’t sure how Castiel would react in his current state.

 

            “Dean.” Castiel whimpered. “Please, please tell me you didn’t make a deal. Dean please, I’m sorry.”

 

            “Cas.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s hands and wrapped his hands around his. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” Dean was getting teary eyed, but he couldn’t break down now. He needed to tell Castiel the truth. “Cas, listen. I didn’t make a deal. I mean, it. It’s not what you think.”

 

            “What did you do Dean?” Castiel’s worried turned to panic and Dean could feel it.

 

            “An angel helped me.”

 

            “Who?”

 

            “Magnus.”

 

            Castiel thought for a second. He was familiar with that angel. He was a spell caster in first line defense unit. They were not friends, only comrades, but after he absorbed the Leviathans and after the angels were casted from Heaven his alliance changed.

 

            “What did he do?” Castiel said with real worry.

 

            Magnus stepped into the den. “Nothing Dean will regret.” He spoke honestly. “I casted a binding spell to revive you.”

 

            “Binding spell? Why?” Castiel searched Magnus’s eyes for truth.

 

            “Because.” Magnus walked over to Dean. “We are forever in debt to you and your brother Dean.” Magnus placed a hand on Dean’s shoulders. He meant it and Dean could tell.

 

            Dean looked back at Cas, he was nervous and untrusting. His heart was filled with malice and uncertainly, something that would only heal over time.

 

            “I don’t, I don’t understand. How did you revive me?” Castiel looked down at his hands and brushed them through his hair. “And back in this vessel, where did you find it?”

 

            “It’s a long story Cas.” Dean sat down on the floor in front of Cas.

 

            “Shorten it.” Castiel stated bluntly.

 

            “The short version.” Magnus interrupted. “Is that I casted a forbidden spell on you and Dean that would bind your time to revive you.”

 

            “Bind? The Cupid’s Spell?” Castiel said in horror. “But if I?”

 

            “Yes I know Cas.” Dean pulled Cas’s chin up so that he was facing him. “I’m aware of the consequences.”

 

            “Why?” Castel searched Dean’s eyes for an honest answer. A foreign mixture of nervousness and anxiousness was building up inside of him.

 

            “Because Cas, I.” Dean looked away and fidgeted nervously. Their eyes met again and Dean hadn’t the stomach to tell Cas how he really felt. “Because Cas, I need you.” Dean choked. He felt selfish and greedy. “I’m sorry.”

 

            A feeling of love warmed the deepest parts of Castiel’s heart. It cradled him and made him feel safe. He soon realized these feelings were not his own. They were Dean’s. Castiel cracked and smiled and reached out and placed his hand on Dean’s leg.

 

            “Thank you, Dean.”

 

            Dean felt the warm from Cas’ soul. He smiled, feeling so relieved. “You rest up man.” Dean rubbed Castiel’s hand.

 

            Castiel smiled and nodded. He was still wary of Magnus but he would have to trust him for now.

 

* * *

 

            By the next day Castiel was feeling much better. He was able to sit up and even walk a little more. He was not at all upset at his slow progress, because he was just grateful to have this second chance. Dean introduced him to Netflix and Boston Crème Pie and Castiel was starting to warm up to his situation. Magnus left, promising to return if they needed him. Thanks to Dean’s thoughtful planning the two didn’t need to leave the bunker anytime soon, they were set. Dean brought Castiel his lunch of tomato soup and grilled cheese.

 

            “Here you go buddy.” Dean placed the bowl and plate on the coffee table.

 

            “Thank you Dean.” Castiel smiled contently. He was happier Magnus was gone, even though he owed him a great deal of gratitude. He knew the gravity of the situation when Magnus came down and casted the spell. He knew of only one time that the spell was cast before and the price Magnus paid was severe. So coming down to cast the spell again, meant that Magnus was sacrificing a lot. Castiel was sure that it would be held against him in Heaven, but Magnus was a strong and resilient angel. He would be a good leader for Heaven. Castiel sighed happily as he reached for his lunch. Metatron was dead and Castiel wouldn’t go near the thought of Crowley. Even though Dean had told him everything about Crowley’s plan, it stilled burned Castiel up inside. It made him both angry and fearful at the same time. So he focused on other things, like what a skillful cook Dean was and how he always stuck around at night to make sure Cas was safe.

 

            “This is amazing Dean.” Castiel enjoyed every bite.

 

            “Damn right.” Dean chuckled.

 

            A flood of joy and happiness entered Cas and caused him to buddle with excitement. It was from Dean, Castiel could feel it. It was much stronger than the feelings he would get from Jimmy. It unlocked feelings Castiel did not understand and hide away, and brought them to the surface. He wasn’t sure why he felt this way, but he reveled in it.

 

            “Dean.” Castiel spoke between bites. “Have you told Sam?”

 

            Dean choked on his beer. “Yeah!” Dean coughed.

 

            Castiel glared at him. “Dean.”

 

            “I’m going to tell him. Hey you’re dripping soup.” Dean dodged the question.

 

            Castiel looked down and quickly used his fingers to wipe up the few drops of wayward soup. “Oops, sorry.” Castiel licked the soup from his fingers.

 

            Dean watched as Castiel sucked the tomato colored soup from each of his fingers. He had to blink a few times, to shake the tainted thoughts from his mind. He wasn’t even sure if Castiel felt that way about him and honestly he was content with just being next to Cas. He treasured their friendship more than he did anything romantic.

 

            Dean laughed and patted Castiel on the back. “It’s okay buddy.” Dean kicked his feet up on the table and let Cas pick the next movie to watch. Their time together was fun and the two binged a few comedies together and laughed a lot more than they expected. They were in tears when they started to watch Dharma and Greg. The relationship of the straight edge and free spirit kind of reminded Dean of when he first met Cas. He was the perfect solider when he meant him and now he’d been reduced to a mere human, laughing and caring on as if he was born and here. In the end Dean couldn’t tell if this was better for Cas than being with his own kind, but Cas was happy and Dean could feel that.

 

            Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him close. He expected a little resistant, but Castiel was more than happy to share in a little full body contact. He was calming down, he was getting better. He still had a long way to go, but their bond was stronger than ever.

 

Castiel lied on Dean’s chest breathing at the same pace as Dean. He had a lot more questions on his mind, but for now he was content with lying on Dean’s chest. Inside of him he could feel something else stirring, something hot that made his skin redden. It made him feel closer to Dean, it made him have thoughts he would never have recognized as an angel and it made him question Dean motives behind bringing him back.

 

Dean sensed a change in Castiel’s demeanor. “Is everything alright?” Dean stared down at him.

 

There was a long pause and nothing was heard expect for the sounds from the TV. Castiel sat up and positioned his entire body flat on Dean’s. Their stomachs were touching and Castiel was leaning up on his elbows over Dean. He stared a Dean for a long time and searched his eyes for the answers he sought.

 

“Dean.”

 

“Yes Cas?” Dean was breathing hard, they were so close, and his mind was wondering towards things he was not prepared to admit yet.

 

Castiel squinted as if he just caught sight of the thing he was looking for. Dean’s eyes widened and he was nervous, but dared not look away, then Castiel kissed him. It was warm, compulsive, and sloppy, but Dean’s body immediately responded to it. When Dean felt no rejection, lips parted as tongues found their way to the other side. Each explored and the kissed deepened, drawing the moans and grunts from the both of them. They broke for air as Castiel hovered over Dean. He had found the answer he needed and smiled at Dean with such affectionate eyes.

 

“Dean.”

 

“I know.” Dean smiled and pulled Castiel’s face a little closer and planted another kiss on his lips. Castiel laughed and settled back on Dean’s chest, feeling content and happy. The two fell asleep shortly after.

 

* * *

 

A door unlocked and voices could be heard. Dean was the first to wake. He heard his brother and another voice. There was no time to hide, Castiel was asleep on his chest. The voices hushed and whispered as they came closer. The TV was giving Dean away and cursed himself for not turning it off. Sam was coming to check on him for sure. The panic woke Cas just as Sam turned on the light.

 

“Dean?” Sam whispered, but Cas stood up first. “Cas?” Sam stared in shock.

 

“I can explain!” Dean shot up, but standing next to Sam was a young woman. “Who’s she?” Dean and Sam exchanged looks. This was going to be the start of a long day.


End file.
